steel news: Who Wants Out and What's the Cost?

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Who Wants Out and What's the Cost? | The Post-Divorce Chronicles

May. 13, 2011

I flipped on the TV yesterday and the morning shows were filled with discussion about the separation of Arnold Schwartzenegger and Maria Shriver.? When the media concentrates its? efforts on events such as these I typically don?t pay attention.? In reality the only people who honestly know what?s going on in their relationship are them.? However, one ?expert? made a statement that did catch my attention:? More than two thirds of all divorces in the USA, approximately 70%, are initiated by women. Wow I didn?t expect that one.? Yet, according to the National Center for Health Statistics, this is in fact true.? I looked back through my case files and sure enough, most of the mediations I have done are cases where the wife had initiated the divorce.

I found the following 3 consistencies in my cases over the prior 12 month period:

The overwhelming majority of the time (over 90%) the father pays child support to the mother.
If the father got custody and primary visitation and didn?t have to pay child support (the other 10%) the mother paid $0 to the father.
I have never seen a case where the wife paid alimony to the husband.

Don?t get me wrong.? I am not making a concerted effort to be biased and I know there are cases where the wife pays support and/or alimony but let?s face it?.it?s rare.? I want to get all my disclaimers out of the way now because I?m referring to most situations not all.? Is it possible that women are the first to file for divorce because they have less downside (or perhaps even??.incentive?)

This got me thinking about my own case.? My ex wife was the one who filed.? The period from the day of separation to the day the divorce was final spanned 18 months.? I moved into an apartment then back into the marital home (living in the guest room) then back out to an apartment once again over that time period.? Her displacement?? None.? During this time I paid all of the expenses related to my separate living quarters while still paying for the house and her living expenses.? The moving in and out were steps I took to maintain my legal position and my relationship with my children.? While I know that life may not have been ?normal? for her during this time life went on as it did before with one bonus:? I wasn?t living there anymore.

We dads can bitch and moan about the ?system? and how we?re seen as the lesser parent.? We can argue our case and go back to court to prove it over and over.? But where does that get us?? Usually in more debt and typically not satisfied.? Fortunately, one major change that occurred in Georgia, where I reside, occurred in 2007.? The Georgia Legislature changed the child support model to take into consideration the earnings potential of both parents.? Before then it was based on the non custodial parents? salary and how many children there were.? For example, with 3 children under the old statute child support was 28% of gross income.? Yes that is correct ? gross income, not net income.? Now the figures derived from a formula taking into account the income of both parents.? It is even plausible to impute income to a non working parent, i.e. what could he/she potentially earn and by when.

Until the day comes where there is a real equal playing field from the start we?ll continue to complain about how unfair it all is and be justified in doing so.? We?ll fight for fairness and equality as parents.? We might even point to the statistics and use that in our arsenal to prove over and over again that women have less at risk by being known as ?Plaintiff.?

But be aware:? 30 years ago the percentage of cases filed by women was 80%!? Maybe it?s getting a bit more level more quickly than we actually thought?

Andy is a divorced (and now remarried) father of 3 boys (now 5 boys).? He is a full time mediator and consultant for both business and domestic cases in Atlanta, GA.? With his extensive 25+ year background in business Andy utilizes this expertise to mediate and consult on cases where in depth analysis of businesses is required to help couples move smoothly through the process of a mediated divorce.? You can find Andy at www.andyflink.com, @AndyFlink or Facebook.